Bonjour à Paris!

I arrived in Paris yesterday morning and have been living my life as an elite socialite ever since. When we got here we napped and then Helen informed me that we would be going to a very chic part of town  so we took the metro into the subway where she bought me a gorgeous celadon dress that comes with a silk slip that only old holywood glamour and people in Paris are allowed to wear anymore. Afterwards we wined and dined then went to sleep.

When I got up this morning, the woman we're staying with immediately brought me espresso, oragnce juice, toast, honey, jam, four different types of cheese and a big bowl of fruit...cause I guess thats standard for breakfast. Afterwards I painted my nails red to match the premier of my red lipstick in Paris and out we went to some circle where the women have Kelly bags on their elbows and the biggest gold Chanel watches you've ever seen on their wrists. I'm pretty sure I'm too poor to be looking at these people. Afterwards I dragged Helen and Marie Pierre to the Eiffel Tower but they didn't want to go up so I drooled for a while, then moseyed on to continue my life as a fabulous Parisian. the best way to get people to theink you live here is to make a face like you just smelled shit and don't speak to anyone...especially not in English.

We wined, dined, and shopped all afternoon until my wedges gave me blisters then ate dinner outside a restaurant near the louvre with a zillion courses. Paris is so fucking fabulous and filled with beautiful men who know how to cook the best things you've ever tasted, I don't know how anyone who ever came here left voluntarily.

Mom and Dad: I'd like to cash in the new car you're supposed to buying me for my French passport because here the government gives you money, fashion school costs nothing and the dentist cleans your teeth for free! Granola-crunching Oregon can suck my big toe.